The holidays have arrived, complete with images of happy couples and families celebrating together. But what if you’re single?
Well, there’s good news: the holidays are a GREAT time to meet someone new. Here’s how:
Get your (Xmas) party on: instead of waiting for someone to throw a Christmas party, throw one yourself. Be sure to ask your friends to invite their single friends too.
The World’s Best Approach Line: and it only comes around once a year – “Merry Christmas” – use it early and often at every social event and situation this year, and Christmas cheer will soon follow.
More grins, less Grinch: being negative is rarely a good approach in meeting someone new, particularly at Christmas. Unless you’ve decided that you want to remain single forever, put on a brave and positive face and you’ll make a far better impression.
Tag along: who says you only have to go to friends’ parties? In fact, the chances of meeting new people are increased when you go to a party of people you don’t know. If you find yourself at a loss for words – refer to point #2 above!
Office events, but not yours: of course do attend your own office party, but avoid making a scene you’ll later regret. A friend’s office party, however, can be a more relaxed and effective way to meet other single professionals.
Hire a Professional: Professional Matchmaking Services like Executive Search Dating consider December to be ‘peak dating season’, with lots of busy singles & professionals looking to meet new people. Call us today at 604-462-8743 (604-Go-Cupid), and we’ll introduce you to someone who’s a great fit for you!
Turn the page: the holidays can be busy (and stressful) for some, so don’t add to that stress by worrying about meeting your perfect match before Christmas Day. Look to meet some new people during the holiday season, and be open to re-connecting with them in January, when everyone’s social calendar goes from being “Busy” to “Empty”!
Actions – in life and in love – speak louder than words. Your “Dating Style” may speak louder than both.
The proliferation of online dating sites and dating apps means Vancouver singles are dating more than ever – but there’s a catch: online dating makes it EASIER to go on dates, but also HARDER to really connect with someone based only on photos or online profiles (which may or may not be accurate).
In this new world of dating, it’s your “Dating Style” that shows your true self. Here’s how to make sure it’s a winner:
Mega-dater: a common phenomenon in today’s hyper-connected dating world, a Mega-dater plays the ‘volume dating’ game. The more dates the better – figuring that you’re bound to meet someone eventually and you might as well have some fun along the way. This typically means you’re not truly ‘relationship-minded’ and probably just looking for something casual.
Never-dater: on the opposite side of the spectrum is not dating at all. Although this might sound like you’re being selective, what it really means is that your chances of meeting someone special are very slim. When you finally do go on a date, it’ll likely feel awkward and strange. If you’re in this category, you’re not yet ready to break free from your dating comfort zone and so are probably not truly ready to meet someone special.
Checklist-dater: if you go on dates armed with a long checklist of criteria you’re looking for in someone, you fall into this category. Having criteria is normal, but when your checklist is long it tends to turn dates into interviews. Singles in this category are typically relationship-minded, but will find it hard to really connect on dates.
Positive-dater: singles in this category turn a typical negative dating approach (what can you do for me) into a positive one (how can I make this date as enjoyable as possible for both of us). They typically do some screening of matches before meeting them (or hire a professional matchmaking service to do it for them), but not to the extent that they never go on dates. They look at each date as a chance to connect with someone new, and go on first dates with a ‘2nd date mindset’ – ie. unless the first date is a complete flop, they make an effort to see someone a second or third time to truly get to know them. Positive daters are also open to making friends with dates that don’t turn into romantic connections.
If you’re looking for a relationship, your best dating approach (by far) is #4, followed by #3, then #1, then #2.
Halloween isn’t just for kids anymore, it’s also a great time for you to meet some new people. In fact, many Vancouver singles now consider Halloween to be THE biggest party of the year, surpassing even New Year’s Eve.
But how do you meet someone new while you’re ‘in costume’? It’s easy, just follow these 7 Halloween Dating rules.
Halloween Dating Do’s:
Treats alone won’t do the trick: yes handing out candied treats to your neighbors kids is a time honored and noble tradition; but if you are single don’t get stuck spending the entire night at home answering the door bell. Take advantage of the Halloween spirit, pull together a few friends, and hit the costumed party circuit. A costume change might be just the trick your single life needs.
Go big or stay home: get in costume! Unlike a normal party, showing up at a Halloween party without a costume is not a winning strategy. Chatting with ghouls, goblins and Dracula’s will feel strange if you are dressed in your standard work attire, or jeans and a t-shirt. Make a simple costume at home, or together with friends, or pick up an inexpensive costume at the local drug store. It’s the one time of year that you’ll feel LESS awkward WITH a costume than without.
Use your illusion: although approaching someone new at a bar or restaurant on an average weekend night may not be your thing; you’ll find doing so ‘in costume’ is a whole lot easier. Be bold: approach everyone you meet at the Halloween party. And fear not, if you do get ‘shot down’, no-one will recognize you anyway!
Halloween Dating Don’ts:
Be yourself: what makes Halloween so great is that being in costume allows people to break free from their comfort zones. Ditch your tried and true approach lines and try these Halloween approach line classics: “I love your costume, where did you get it?”, or “Tell me honestly, what do you think of my costume?”, or if you meet someone in a confusing costume (a frequent occurrence at most parties): “Great costume, what character are you supposed to be?”
Wear a costume that ‘locks you down': fun costumes are a great conversation starter, but avoid overly gory face makeup and/or costumes that limit your ability to move and mingle. The Godzilla costume you’ve been preparing for weeks might be fun, but you don’t want members of the opposite sex fleeing in terror. Plus, overly heavy or thick costumes will quickly turn the dance floor into your own personal sauna!
Put all your Halloween eggs in one basket: once you’ve got a good costume and a spirit of adventure, don’t limit yourself to just one party. Halloween has become big business so there are typically different parties spread out over a number of days. Look at this as the last, best chance to party before the holiday season madness.
Be creepy: Halloween should be fun, not creepy. If you are interested in someone by all means impress them with your costume; but good old fashioned politeness and friendliness will likely be required to interest them in seeing you ‘sans costume’.
The famous Matchmaker Albert Einstein once said: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”
Here’s what this means for you: if you’re a relationship-minded single, and you’re tired of being single, change things up. Start doing things (today) that will INCREASE your chances of meeting someone special.
And, above all, avoid doing these 10 things:
Giving up: quitters never win, in life and in love. Nothing truly good in life comes without effort, and that includes finding your special someone.
Forcing it: the opposite of quitting is trying too hard, which will likely yield a similar result – or worse, you’ll end up with the wrong person. Being proactive in your love life is a good thing, but when it starts feeling like a (bad) job, its probably time to dial it back a bit.
Complaining: people generally want to spend time with someone positive, and that includes your perfect match. Laughing about the sorry state of your love life can be a nice release, but avoid moaning on about it – try this instead: fix it.
Getting stuck in a rut: trying the same dating methods over and over will not likely lead you to dating success. Mix it up, visit some new nightspots, attend some fun events, hire a matchmaker!
Having a long checklist: we all have criteria, but going into a date with a long checklist will likely make connecting with someone new very difficult. Leave the checklist at home and enjoy meeting some new and different people.
Going it alone: meeting new people is an inherently social activity… and you’re more likely to meet someone new when you’re together with other people, particularly when out socially. Think less ‘lone shark’ and more ‘out with friends’.
Travelling in large packs: the opposite of going solo, and equally ill-advised, is surrounding yourself with a large group of same sex friends when you’re out socially (Vancouver women, this means you) – making it virtually impossible for someone to approach you and say ‘hi’.
Doing it yourself: personalized dating & matchmaking services (like Executive Search Dating) are popular in Vancouver for a reason, they work. If you’re too busy or simply fed up with online dating & the bar scene, call us today at 604-462-8743 and we’ll find someone right for you.
Waiting for the ‘perfect’ match: here’s the truth that most dating professionals refuse to tell you – there’s rarely such a thing as a ‘perfect match’. Here’s what works – find someone compatible in some basic and important areas that you enjoy spending time with; be open to change; communicate, communicate, communicate.
Entering ‘The Vicious Cycle Of Dating': you feel frustrated about your dating life, which makes you sad. You go on your next date wearing a frown, or not even trying to be engaging, or complaining about single Vancouver men/women. This turns your date off immediately and the date ends early and unsuccessfully. Repeat.
You’re tired of being single and ready to meet your special someone, and you’re out with friends at a local hotspot. Single men and women are everywhere, laughing and smiling. You freeze and can’t think of anything to say or do. You go home alone, without anyone’s number or email.
Sound familiar? Well, it happens to the best of us. Not just in Vancouver, but in every city around the world.
What you need is a quick & easy tutorial on the power of flirting (for men & women). Next time you’re in this situation, follow these easy steps and your social calendar will start filling up in no time:
Make eye contact with someone you’re interested in, hold your gaze for a few seconds and smile.
Look approachable (don’t surround yourself with friends so no-one can approach you).
If you’re at a large table or booth with friends, and you’ve made some eye contact with someone, make an effort to leave your table (ie. order a drink at the bar, step out for some air, etc.) to give someone a chance to say ‘hi’.
When you are approached, be friendly. When approached by someone you’re interested in, be even more friendly
If you’re approached by someone you’re not interested in, be polite but do let them know you’re not interested: ie. ‘Hi, thanks for saying hello but I want to spend some time with my friends this evening. Have a great night.”
When you strike up a conversation with someone interesting, don’t feel obligated to spend the entire evening speaking to them. After a while, suggest you arrange to meet another evening for a coffee or drink and exchange numbers. If you need to, feel free to go back to your friends, or move onto another location.
Make eye contact with someone you’re interested in, hold your gaze for a few seconds and smile.
Look like you’re having a good time, laughing and joking with friends and others around you (chat to some people in your area – singles and couples alike).
Once you’ve made mutual, positive eye contact with someone you’re interested in find a moment to approach them and say ‘hi’. Introduce yourself.
Keep it simple: ask them how their evenings going, where they’re from, give them a sincere compliment, tell them what caught your attention, etc.
Don’t ignore their friends, introduce yourself to them if the opportunity presents itself.
When you strike up a conversation with someone interesting, don’t feel obligated to spend the entire evening speaking to them. After a while, suggest you arrange to meet another evening for a coffee or drink and exchange numbers. If you need to, go back to your friends, or move onto another location.
If the woman you approach isn’t interested, don’t take it personally, wish them a great night and go back to mingling with your friends.
Published at: 10:10 pm - Wednesday October 01 2014
Recently we told you the 8 warning signs of a potential dating disaster. Well, that was the easy part. The tricky part is what to do once you’ve identified these dating warning signs?
Here’s the secret: there is no secret. Sometimes the solution is staring you right in the face, and it starts with the truth:
Start with respect: all positive dating experiences – and lasting relationships too – must begin with mutual respect. And respect means respecting your dates time and busy schedule as much as your own. Constantly re-scheduling a date, or showing up very late (the first 2 of the 8 dating warning signs) without a reasonable excuse sends the message that your time is more valuable than theirs. If your date is the one constantly re-scheduling try this – let them pick the time and place that suits their schedule, then make it clear that you’ve adjusted your schedule to accommodate them. If they re-schedule again or show up very late, consider moving on to another match.
All you can do is try: once you’ve made the effort to go on a date, you might as well make the most of it – even when it seems all hope is lost. If your date seems disengaged, distracted, doesn’t listen or ask you any questions. or is yawning (dating warning signs #3, 4, 5, 6 and 7) you’re faced with two options – get frustrated and storm off or try to make the best of it. Our suggestion: go for the 2nd option. Make an effort to engage your date with some funny stories, ask some questions about the news of the day, or favorite movies or celebrity gossip or favorite TV shows… in other words, anything that might get them at least talking and hopefully smiling. It may all be for naught but, who knows, although your date may not be into you, he or she may know someone who is – and they’ll likely appreciate the fact that you made an effort.
Not every match is a match: although we’re all about trying, sometimes your best bet is to cut bait. If you find yourself arguing with someone on a first or second date (dating warning sign #8), it’s a pretty good bet that they’re not a match for you. Life’s too short to argue, particularly with someone you’ve just met. Yes, arguments are a normal and natural part of a relationship, but not a first or second date. No need to make a scene though, just tell your date the truth: ie. ‘Thanks for taking the time to meet with me, but I’m not interested in arguing with you. Why don’t we just call for the bill and call it a night?” One of two things will happen next: they’ll agree and you can both move on with your dating lives; or they may only then realize that they’ve been too confrontational and apologize – who knows, the date may even turn out okay in the end.
Have you ever been on a date where things went wrong, but you couldn’t figure out why? Or a date where you thought things went great, but when you called your date the next day they told you they weren’t interested in seeing you again?
Well it happens. Sometimes chemistry happens for one person but not the other. But sometimes, just sometimes, there are warning signs. Learn how to read these 8 warning signs, and you may just turn a bad date into a good date, and on to a second date and beyond:
Re-scheduling: in life, particularly for a busy person, things sometime come up last minute, forcing you to re-schedule. But if your date is constantly changing plans last minute, it may be a sign that they’re not really that interested.
Late, not great: if your date shows up late without a good excuse, it’s a sign that they’re probably not that into it.
Disengaged: if your date is not really engaging in conversation, or simply seems to be distant – it’s likely that they are just not into you.
Distracted: when your date is spending more time chatting to the wait staff, or worse yet checking them out, it sends a message that they’re more interested in the wait staff than they are in you.
Not listening: if your date keeps talking over you, or clearly isn’t listening to what you’re saying, it shows they’re not really interested in you.
No questions: if your date is happy to talk about themselves, but doesn’t ask you even one question about yourself, it shows an overall lack of interest.
Yawning: a yawn is nature’s way of showing that someone is bored.
Arguing: if you find yourself in heated arguments with your date, particularly on a first or second date, it’s pretty much a given that things aren’t going well.
In next week’s newsletter, we’ll tell you how to overcome each of these 8 warning signs.