Dating services, including online dating services, have become the most popular way for singles to meet in Vancouver. That’s a good thing.
Here’s the problem: some dating services, in particular online dating services, only succeed when singles continue to use their service – in other words, if everyone found their ‘match’ right away they’d have very few active members, making it hard for you to meet someone compatible on their site.
With that in mind, here’s some online dating advice you should IGNORE if you’re interested in finding a relationship, not just endless dating:
- ‘Dating is a numbers game’: actually, no its not – unless you’re talking about the number 1, which is the number of people that you will ultimately truly connect with. The thought that meeting 20 or 30 singles will increase your chances of meeting ‘The One’ is incorrect. More likely, going on 20 to 30 dates will make you feel frustrated and give up on dating which won’t help you find your special someone.
- ‘Now that you’ve met someone interesting, here’s 5 other profiles for you’: once you’ve met someone that you’re interested in (and they you), your best best is to take some time to get to know them before going on a bunch of other dates. If you’re online dating, avoid the daily barrage of supposed ‘matches’. You’re better off with one real match, than 10 online profiles.
- ‘We’re sorry to see you go; here’s a half price offer’: instead of endlessly renewing your online dating membership (or more likely, being ‘auto-renewed’), consider trying some other alternatives. Visit some new neighborhoods with some friends, attend some events you enjoy, or if you’re too busy for that hire a personalized matchmaking service like Executive Search Dating!
- ‘It’s not us, it’s you’: if you’ve been online dating for a while and had no success, it’s easy to start feeling that there’s something wrong with you or your dating approach. Here’s the good news: that’s not true! More likely, it’s simply a sign that online dating is not for you or, at a minimum, you need to take a break from online dating and try some new methods (see point #3 above). Not all things are meant to be done at the speed of a mouse click, and finding a relationship is one of them.
Stop me if you’ve heard this before: There are no single men in Vancouver. Vancouver women are only interested in money. Vancouverites are unfriendly. The Vancouver dating scene sucks.
Just because everybody says it, doesn’t make it true. After all, it wasn’t that long ago that people said the world was flat – until it wasn’t.
In dating and in life, you reap what you sow. Here’s the truth behind the dating myths, and what it means for you:
- Lies, damn lies, and statistics: when given the choice, always choose statistics over rumors. For example – rumor: there are 5 – 8 single women for every single man in Vancouver; Statistical fact (from Stats Canada): the ratio of single women to single men in Vancouver is virtually equal.
- The money issue: We’ve been matchmaking in Vancouver for over 10 years. Here’s where the issue of ‘wealth’ ranks in a Vancouver woman’s list of most important qualities they’re looking for in a man: it doesn’t. It doesn’t make the top 5, rarely makes the top 10, and usually isn’t brought up at all. Having said that, having your financial life in order is an important element for women and men, particularly if they have their life together.
- Reversing ‘The Vicious Cycle Of Vancouver Dating’: because many singles in Vancouver believe it’s hard to approach new people, people rarely approach one another for fear of being rejected, which makes the situation that much worse. In other words a ‘Vicious Cycle’. Forget what you’ve heard and try this: next time you are out with friends, commit to approaching one new person (or group of people) to say ‘hi’. What you’ll find in most every case is that Vancouverites actually like being approached in a friendly way. Try it yourself and you’ll see.
- Who’s in charge?: at it’s foundation, Vancouver dating myths are based on this false assumption – ‘you have no control over the Vancouver dating scene, it’s a terrible city for dating and that’s that.’ The reality is that YOU have control over your dating life. Be proactive, practice saying hello to strangers (check our ‘dating advice’ page at ExecutiveSearchDating.com for some good ideas on this front), be positive and, if you’re too busy or unable to meet someone new on your own, contact a professional matchmaking service like Executive Search Dating and we’ll introduce you to some incredible, compatible matches that are right for you!
In a perfect world, dating is easy and rejection doesn’t exist. Everyone we meet likes us, and every date is exceptional. But in the real world of dating, rejection not only exists, its an essential element of successful dating.
But how can you turn dating ‘failure’ into dating ‘success’? The key is to learn these 9 things:
- No-one’s perfect, me included: there’s a fine line between self-confidence and arrogance. The former is good, the latter not so much. When someone rejects your advances, take it as a reminder that we can all improve.
- Practice makes perfect: you’re on a date with someone great and everything is going well. Until something happens that turns your date partner off. Make a mental note: whatever that ‘thing’ was, avoid doing it again.
- Continue the journey: the simple fact is that not everyone is made for you, nor you for them. Resist the urge to beat yourself up when a date hasn’t gone well and accept it for what it is: a natural and even healthy part of the journey towards meeting your special someone.
- Check your attitude: if you’ve been dating a lot and have found increasing rejection, it might be time to look in the mirror and make sure you are sending off the right signals on your date. In particular, avoid the ‘vicious cycle of dating’ – you get rejected, which makes you more negative on your next date, increasing the chances of more rejection. If you need to, take a break from dating for a few weeks or a month until you’re feeling more positive before you start dating again.
- When in doubt, ask: although not always appropriate, if you have met someone that you were very keen on and they’ve told you they’re not interested, ask them why? The answers may be helpful, and it might even increase the chances of a friendship developing even where there’s no chemistry.
- Seeing things from the other side: being rejected by someone gives you a valuable insight into how it feels to be rejected. Keep that in mind the next time you’ve met someone who’s keen on you, but you don’t feel the same way. That old saying ‘what goes around comes around’ applies in the dating world too: be honest with someone, but do your best to not hurt their feelings while doing so.
- It’s not you it’s me: one of the hidden advantages of dating is that you learn as much about yourself as you do about the people you’re meeting. Be open to change, particularly if you’re finding a few issues that always come up – ie. if you’ve been going on dates dressed very casually while your dates are showing up dressed to the nines, put more effort into your wardrobe, buy a new shirt, fix the problem. First impressions are important in life, and they’re VERY important in dating!
- True happiness is rarely a straight path: ask any ‘happily married couple’ and they’ll tell you this – all successful relationships have their fair share of ups and downs. The same can be said for dating; when you do eventually meet that special someone (and you will), part of knowing you’ve met ‘the one’ will be the dates you went on which didn’t go well.
- The ‘Kaizen’ dating philosophy: the Japanese philosophy of Kaizen (‘continuous improvement’) can be applied to every aspect of your life, and absolutely applies to dating. Reject the premise that you are supposed to be perfect, or that everyone has to like you. This is a road to frustration and even more dating rejection. Instead, try to be a better date every time you meet someone new – show up on time, be interested and interesting, dress nicely, be funny – and you’ll soon find your ‘below average’ dating life becomes a whole lot better, fast.
A recent survey ranked Vancouver women as the pickiest daters in Canada. In this Global BC interview, Executive Search Dating President Paddi Rice offers his opinion, and gives some simple, common sense tips on how to meet new people in Vancouver!
Watch Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBV0FPrsIpY
On a first date, ‘sure things’ can turn into ‘see you laters’ in the blink of an eye.
What makes first dates different than 2nd or 3rd dates, or even relationships, is that they can turn sour very quickly. When you’ve been seeing someone for a while, you’ve had the chance to get to know them, so you’re less likely to be turned off by one small thing.
Not so on a first date. Because you don’t really know the person yet, you/they tend to make decisions on limited information – usually for the worse. Here’s the list of ‘first date chemistry killers’ you must avoid at all costs:
- Checking out = checked out: checking out (or worse yet, flirting) with your server during a date is a sure fire way to ensure you’ll not make it to date #2. It sends the message that you’re not serious or nice, neither of which will impress quality minded singles (nor the server for that matter).
- Yawning: if a smile is nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac, the yawn is it’s first cousin from dating hell. You may be tired, you may even be uninspired by your date, but yawning is not the way to communicate that. Have a pre-date espresso, splash some cold water on your face in the washroom, or do whatever it takes. Just don’t yawn in your dates presence.
- Watching the game: in today’s world, every restaurant, lounge or coffee shop seems to have multiple large screen TV’s that can be viewed from any angle. Serious singles beware: its a trap! Glancing frequently at the TV while you’re on a first date sends the message that you’re not interested, interesting or serious. If you are a major sports fan and your favorite team is playing in game 7 that night – do yourself (and your date) a favor: pick another night for your date.
- Forget me not: the essence of good conversation is getting beyond the superficial and into subjects that connect the both of you at a deeper level. There are 3 steps: 1) remembering key details of the person’s story; 2) asking some follow up questions to dig a little deeper; 3) connecting that story to one of your own, or explaining why you find it funny/interesting/engaging. If you can’t remember key things about someone’s story, you’ll not be able to have an engaging conversation with them, which generally leads to an unsuccessful first date. If you find that dating is becoming a chore, and all your dates seem the same, this might be a big reason why. If you seek to be memorable, remember.
Dating, and particularly successful dating, comes down to one thing: chemistry. Do you feel it, do they have it, what creates it, will I ever find it? Although chemistry sometimes feels like magic, it’s actually far more basic than that – a connection you feel with someone that goes beyond the physical. Here are 5 facts you need to know about dating chemistry:
- Oh yes you can: you can’t change the way you look, but you can change they way you act on a date. By creating more positive dating habits, you’ll make a better impression on your date, and increase the chances of a real connection even if there’s no immediate ‘wow’.
- Two kinds of chemistry: short term and long term chemistry aren’t always the same – the short term kind works well for while (ie. extreme physical attraction), but the long term kind (which can grow over time) is more important in lasting relationships.
- You need it, eventually: successful relationships need chemistry, but it doesn’t have to happen right away, and it doesn’t have to be ‘knock you off your chair’ chemistry (which can fade quickly anyway). If you’ve met someone interesting, give it enough time (ie. more than one date) to see if chemistry will develop .
- What’s inside matters: if you find yourself growing more attracted to someone over time, its unlikely that you are just finding them better looking (although that’s what it feels like); you’re likely connecting at a deeper level which makes the person seem more ‘attractive’ to you.
- Not all connections need to be ‘the one’: of course meeting someone special is the ultimate goal for most singles, but that’s not to say it’s the only desirable outcome from dating. If you do meet someone great, but just don’t feel that special ‘spark’, then consider friendship as a possible option. Although there may only be room for one ‘special someone’ in your life, you can never have enough friends.
Whoever said ‘flattery will get you everywhere’ was right. But there’s a catch – sincere compliments can make your date feel good about themselves, and you. Insincere compliments or simply over doing it, on other hand, can stop chemistry in its tracks. Here are 10 irresistible compliments that will quickly turn a first date into a second date, and beyond:
- Looks: if you like the way your date looks, let them know it. A simple ‘you look lovely’ (to a woman) or ‘you look great’ (to a man) will make them feel good about themselves, and help bring out their best side on your date.
- Accessories: if your date has made an effort to look their best, make a positive comment on something in particular that catches your eye – jewelry or a nice dress (woman), or nice shoes or a nice shirt (man). They’ll likely appreciate that you noticed as they likely wore that item to make a good impression on you.
- Smile: a smile is natures most powerful aphrodisiac – if your date has a great one, be sure to let them know. As a bonus, it’ll encourage them to smile more often, which makes any date more fun. P.S. Don’t forget to smile back!
- Common interests: assuming you know something about the person you’re meeting, there’s likely something about their background and/or profile that you found appealing. If yes, tell them so: ie. ‘I love that fact that you’ve traveled to Asia, it must have been exciting!”
- Sense of humor: if you find them funny, let them know it. Everyone wants to be appreciated and it’ll put them more at ease, and likely lead to more laughs (a very good outcome on a first date).
- Conversational highlights: during your first date conversation, there will be some things that really stand out for you (travel stories, job related insights, interests, activities, etc.). When that happens, let your date know. Being open about things that connect you will naturally lead you towards more stimulating conversation where you’re both engaged.
- Feeling a connection: if you’re feeling a connection during your date, let the person know by saying ‘I’m really enjoying myself’… don’t hesitate to ask for a second date while on the first date – it’s the best time to do so.
- Follow up: when you next speak with your date, be sure to let them know you enjoyed your time together and some topics, funny stories, or characteristics that you particularly enjoyed.
- Let it out: as you get to know someone more, and find yourself thinking about them, let them know it. There’s little benefit to keeping it all inside: if they feel the same way they’ll appreciate it; if they don’t, then letting you know that may save you some heartache down the road.
- The no-compliment compliment: if your date is non-responsive to your compliments, or even irritated by them, then stop complimenting. Always remember, an honest and sincere compliment is good, insincere or over the top compliments are bad.
but with the arrival of bike lanes, rooftop patios, and music festivals, it’s become a truly world class summer dating hot spot! Here are 7 hot dating ideas to spice up your love life this summer:
Sometimes dating sucks. Particularly if you’re ready for a relationship but can’t seem to meet the right type of person. Or when you do meet someone you connect with, they don’t feel the same way.
So, what to do? The best approach is to use a combination of ‘old school’ methods and ‘new school’ methods to meet your special someone. Here’s how:
- Be limitless: regardless of which method you are using to meet new people, it’s unwise to limit yourself to just one method. If you’ve been online dating exclusively, be sure to get out and meet people in person, attend some singles events, or hire a professional matchmaking service.
- Mix it up: to avoid dating burnout, don’t feel like you have to try all methods at the same time! If online dating hasn’t been working for you, try some other methods for a while. You can always get back online in the future when you’re feeling more refreshed.
- People skills: always remember this – people aren’t profiles, they’re people. In today’s online ‘always connected’ world, avoid falling prey to the mistaken impression that you can judge someone by their photo or profile. Real chemistry only happens in the real world. That’s been true for the past million years, and it will be true for the next million years too. Be sure you’re spending quality time with real people, for friendship, romance or otherwise.
- Be that special person you’re looking for: if you’re looking for someone positive, together, fun and engaging, be sure you’re putting out those signals when you do meet someone new. Ultimately, people want to connect with someone like-minded.
- Opposites don’t attract: in spite of what you’ve heard, meeting someone who’s completely different from you (even if there’s great physical chemistry) is not the best way to find a long term relationship partner. Professional matchmakers will tell you this: your best chance of creating a lasting relationship is to connect with singles with whom you share important qualities with.